What to Say

Not much to report here today...it's one of those undeep days of thought. Hmmm...although I did get paid which is a plus...I can't wait til life is a little simpler for me...no school, no stressing over finances, just a nice to place and some free time for friends and my pet finch. lol Speaking of that, I had a cool idea for the inside of the house, by making it look like the inside of an atrium court, or the middle-of-paris type look with cobble tiles and lamposts, and trees and tables/chairs here and there, really cozy, almost like you actually ARE outside! lol Yes, I know I'm odd...I guess I really like that whole concept of sitting outside having coffee in a small cozy court on a cool day. You know, with all the trends going on, I don't see too much happening to really make places like Starbucks a true little haven of a place to love. The most interesting one I've seen is off of PCH...they actually have a fireplace around the corner and it's very cozy in that little area. Now that's a perfect little 'haven' for people to hang out. Besides that though, they're all the same. Why don't they invest some of their profits into something more thematic, more creative instead of duplicating the same ole, has-been store?? Why not incorporate some wireless computers, some technologies, interesting themes that reminiscent of paris or france or whatever, small waterfalls or coy ponds which make for a tranquil atmostphere. It doesn't have to be Starbucks either, it can be a totally new concept. And that's what's going to catch the customers eye sooner or later! Cause people are always looking for the next new attraction, for someone to step up to the challenge and go that extra step. We have the knowledge and tools to create incredible inventions of design. Unfortunately, much of it in my opinion is rather...boring. The general census who do business are too comfortable with the norm and seem afraid to go outside of it. That happened to me while working at Moon while I was a concept designer...i felt like I couldn't break that old traditional design standard that my supeiors held to with any of my new concepts and it became frustrating. Out of a ton of new concepts and styles that I labored over, they almost always went with the most basic and uninteresting design! argg!

Well the good thing about where I work now is the fact that I have room to design and create outside that box without someone waiting to put me back in there. Since this company is new, our creativity is really experiential and I have more freedom with my concepts, while at the same time understanding that ole standard that others are more comfortable with. And I understand that there is a balance, but when you're mind is flowing with ideas like mine that want to take flight and exist out there, and the only place it seems they make it too is on paper...well, it gets frustrating that no one else shares that same vision of change. Maybe I was meant to be just a visionary, I don't know...oh well, at least I got my mind going in here. lol =)

Bathroom manners can save your life

Guys, this is the look you will get when you forget to change that toilet paper role. So please, for the love of God...change it lest you be smitten by the impending doom of her wrath! And I don't mean smitten with love either! Just shaddup and do it! =)

Jest Lag

Ever had one of those days where your whole body is so tired and getting up to go to the bathroom or to make copies or whatever is work in itself? I haven't..hmmm...wonder what that's like...=)

God is Good

I was surprised tonight by some unexpected work on the side, from a fellow I haven't talked to for about 6 yrs or so! I used to train at his shop awhile back before I dove into graphic design fulltime. He'd like to start commissioning me to do logo work for him and establish a good working relationship with me in that respect without having to worry about finding a good, honest artist who won't take advantage of him. I just thought that was awesome.=) I'm actually starting on some roughs for one logo tonight. I did tell him I don't have a ton of time to devote to this as I have enough on my plate with school, and I think he understands that. The difference between this kind of freelance work and the previous doing pool & landscape designs is the workload: doing logo design is almost half the workload of the latter committment, and it's more focused, so I'm pretty confident that this will work out okay...I hope! lol So...I was blessed by that...=)

And I finally cooked the chicken I bought tonight after forgetting about it for close to a week! lol It's nice when you remember that you actually have food in the fridge when you're totally broke for the week, ya know...thats a good thing.=)

Flashbacks

It can get a little aggravating when you take on a project confidently, only to have your boss say you weren't doing the right one, that there were other variables that weren't spoken of in the first place! Argg! Is it so hard to make things clear in the first place? I mean, it would just be so much easier from the outset to make the direction clear instead of making it more confusing along the way, leaving me with a million questions to ask, making me look like I wasn't listening in the first place...geeez...all that can be avoided by stating each individual aspect of the project clearly so there's no confusion. But that would be too easy then wouldn't it?? man....I'm getting flashbacks of my old boss who practically did the same thing to me. At least she doesn't vent like he did though and throw a fit..lol...ahhh...oh well...knowing this, I might as well ask a million questions instead of waiting to look like a fool who looks disorganized. And I just finished my Communication class too..lol...guess it's time to put it into effect. Besides that...eh...I'm busy, I have a job so things are good. =)

Temporary Relief

I can finally breathe a little better now that OTS is over! And I think I did really well on this last test...we didn't get to grade our papers like last time, but judging from the questions he went over with us, I think I did well! My only concern now is hoping I did well enough on the tests and essays to make up for my lack of work on the OTI tests and workbook, a lack that resulted from taking on tooo much in my life during this class. I hope I passed, I really do. Now on to the next class in about a month or so, meaning bible classes...I will definitely be ready for those and make sure my plate is empty! My next class doesn't start for about 2 weeks so I can relax more and even get a head start on my Marketing class coming up. Righteous! lol

Well, this was on my heart today and I think it's time to give a confession here and now, not only to reaffirm my own beliefs and conviction but also to share the burden, because I also feel responsible for this course of action. And whomever realizes who I am here and what I did, I only pray for mercy and grace as the Lord also grants us. Basically, I got caught up in my feelings for a married woman, whom also got attached to me. It all started with long emails that I actually looked forward to practically every night. In the beginning she was such a blessing to me, and I had nothing but a genuine affection and love for this woman. But as time went on I realized that I was getting very attached, and I'd look forward to both emails and IM on a daily basis. Also, I felt a deep connection to her, like none that I feel with just anyone, and I think this is what sparked my interest in her. It could very well be that on top of that that I was looking for Ms. Right to come along and getting anxious. Well, 'Ms.' turned out to be 'Mrs.' and we were heading out in the wrong direction with this relationship of ours. We started meeting after work and getting to know each other more. It wasn't long before the question of 'where is thing going' came up, and became a matter of 'all or nothing'. We couldn't avoid that any longer.

One particular night that question was brought up to me, the question of 'Would I be willing to have an affair.' I was speechless, cause I knew right then that it would be all or nothing, and inside I knew what was right, and so did she. And that night was the turning point and end of our 'affair'. She was convicted by all this, and I became so, also. Now during this time, I had been praying that I would never do anything dishonorable to her and that the Lord would step in and intervene in this thing, cause I was also becoming convicted. I have to praise God that it didn't go any further than being purely emotional, but...at the same time, I'm reaping the effects of it, also, cause emotion can have as much or more of an effect on one's heart and mind. Well, after several attempts to finally stop deliberately seeing one another, we cut loose, realizing the seriousness and impact it was making, especially on her husband. One time in particular, probably the last time, I was convicted by the fact that her husband was calling her repeatedly without her answering, and I knew...I couldn't stand in the way any longer cause I could see how much it was tearing her apart. We were tearing one another apart emotionally because we were at a standstill...what we wanted, we could not have. There's only one way to go in that case, and reality had to be faced. We went our own ways...

Although it still affects me and will take time to heal, I realize that we made a choice, and that choice peirced our hearts and caused separation, the same way sin separates us from the Lord. That's what sin does...it tears people apart, and it will make sure you suffer if it can. But that's exactly what our Lord died for, and it can be avoided, and I need to make sure I leave that sin at the cross and instead put on His righteousness, so that mistakes like these can be avoided, the mistake of letting the flesh lead, and not the Spirit. For if the Spirit would have been my guide, pain could have been avoided, for both of us. And even then, I have confidence that the Lord will heal us and make what was tragic into a thing of beauty, shaped by His hands, and not ours. He has a way of healing relationships that left me in awe, that was unexpected, and left me praising Him.=)

Today I'm in constant prayer for the healing of our souls, and the mending of our hearts, made possible by the direction of God who's been dealing with my own life. I pray that her's is one filled with healing and love and a renewed Spirit, and that her marriage is a blessing beyond measure.=)

I hate writing long posts, and this will probably be the longest! But whether this is for my own learning or another's, I hope to look back someday with more wisdom, more knowledge and more understanding, and a life that is free of sin and filled with the Spirit. =o)

Accepting Defeat

I wanted so badly to do well in my Old Testament class, and I was stressing earlier tonight about finishing my tests, workbook and studying. I fell behind because I was doing extra side work apart from my FT job, and it really hurt my studies. But..alas...I'm just accepting the fact that I may not do well in this class and the possibility of taking it again. And you know what? It would actually be good for me, cause I didn't really dig into almost the last half of the OT! That's how far I got behind. I did well on a few essays and the last test, but it might not be good enough. So, I'm not going to stress...I'm going to surrender. I accept defeat...but in accepting it, there's renewed hope of retaking it down the road with a better grasp of this material so...all is not lost.=)

Many trials and tough decisions I've been through lately, which have added some to the stress level. But my hope is in God, and I trust He will lead me onto the right path again. We live and we learn and we grow and our faith is truly tested. But if we, as believers, will also surrender to Him, and just accept defeat, and humble ourselves instead of fighting against Him, our lives will be so radically changed and carefree and full of life! I admit i can sometimes fight and kick and sometimes outright ignore His voice...but in the end, I'm only hurting myself and I'm the one living the miserable life. They say that a Christian who's living in sin is living a life of misery. And in my own life this has been true and I've been there. The obvious question is "well if you know you're going to be miserable if you're in sin, then why do it!" Good question. Christ already freed me of sin on the cross...there's no reason to go back. I'm not held by it any longer, as Romans says "Sin shall NOT have dominion over you, to obey it's lusts." And it's true...Christ freed us all of this...there's no reason to go back to it...we are NOT bound by it any more...but if we choose to go back to it, it will only lead to misery and pain and suffering all over again! Sometimes that pattern can leave us so blind to the effect it's having over us, that pattern of misery and pain, the fact that were, as the bible says, going back to our own vomit! Yes, it's a sick image, but one that accurately illustrates what happens when we go back to sin. If we hang around the wretched smell of a homeless man long enough, pretty soon, we won't smell it anymore...we get used to it. That's how sin is...we get used to it until it seems okay, even desired! When the truth is...it is wretched and filthy and it STINKS! And God cannot look upon that and it cuts us off from fellowship with Him. Yes, Christ died for that very thing, but when we're in sin, it does cut off our fellowship and joy and peace and grieves the Spirit.=(

I guess I stress this so much because, I'm realizing what sin produces...death. Nothing but death and misery and broken hearts and relationships. It is what Christ died for...and if we'll just leave it there at the cross and let it go, we can put on His righteousness and live a life of freedom and peace that will make our lives more satisfying and meaningful and far from misery.=)

Rain Rain...Don't Go Away

During these wee hours of the night tweeking me blog, I suddenly realized it was raining outside, which had me almost running to open the sliding door.=) I'm not sure why but I love the rain...it's just refreshing to me, it's almost like a newness of life, a breath of fresh, cool air, and a soothing sound that sets me at ease. Not only do I love the rain, but the ocean, too. I would definitely live by the coast if I could afford it. I think they have the pricing backwards ya know...coastal living is actually riskier, as the floods proved these past few months. Inland living is safer, albeit still dangerous, depending where you live when it rains hard. So coastal properties should be less in my opinion! lol Because of the great risk involved. Hmmm..now how can I persuade the real estate market to change their high-risk coastal home pricing in light of this new information, so I can move down there asap? Hmmm...=)

The harmful effect of Sin

Tonight was a real eye-opener concerning the destruction that sin has. It destroys people's lives and relationships with others, as I've come to know firsthand. It leaves one feeling empty and cursed and shameful, especially when it affects those we love. I've had to learn this the hard way in life, but learning I am and moving forward I will in God, far from sin. The very reason Christ came down to us was to destroy both sin and death forever, to wash us through His blood, His sacrifice so we could be presentable to God and have restored fellowship with Him. All we need to do is put our faith and trust in Him and call out to Him to save us. And He will...He truly will.

What's interesting is how the Iraelites paid the penalty for their sins in Exodus through their sin offerings on the altar. Not only did they have to bring a lamb without spot or blemish to the altar to cover their sin, they themselves had to kill it! They literally had to slit it's throat in order that their sin would be covered and that God would be satisfied by the sacrifice. I don't know about you, but because I have this affection for animals, to slit the throat of a young lamb...man...I would probably be in tears and so broken before I even touched him! But at the same time, I would understand the the severity of sin better and that alone would encourage me to stay away from it! Then I could stand my ground better and look sin in the face and be like 'Nah ah...no way...I'm not even going down that road...been there, done that and it tore my heart apart last time! So forget it...' And the Lord is helping me to realize the severity and negative effects that sin can have upon my life. It was sin that basically killed our Messiah. He took that sin for us. And I got to thinking...can you imagine if you, or me, had to crucify our Lord ourselves as the Israelites did that helpless little, lamb? Would you be able to crucify and kill a man who loved you dearly and was perfect and gentle and kind to you? And not only a man, but God in the flesh! I don't know if I would have the strength. But He was crucified, and He did it all for us, and all I can say in my own limited way is 'thank you Lord for taking upon yourself the wrath of God that was upon me. Thank you!'

Sin will tear your world apart...give it to Him...let Him take it away and satisfy the wrath of God that was on you...and be free of it forever. =) Amen.

Truly one moment at a time

The last few days has truly been hard and trying, and I've literally been living one breath at a time, hoping the next will ease some pain. It's been a rollercoaster of sorrow, so I pray constantly. It helps to know that we're not alone when we're grieving though...I found a site that has helped some during this time. It's at http://catchanangel.com/poems.html. Again, hearing the stories of other believers and their own walk through trials can help tremendously in the way of healing and understanding and hope. There's nothing more awful than not seeing any hope and being completely perplexed by our situations. I remember being in complete agony when my exwife left me one day. It still gets me emotional when I share this, because the affect it had on me was one of being completely rejected, which didn't help since I struggled with that issue already. For the next two weeks I was literally crying to God on my knees for understanding, for help, for comfort and for my wife back. Help didn't come for a couple weeks when a brother brought some understanding to my situation, and from there the load was finally being lifted, and hope was filling my heart. Yet she still left me, because of the issues I had with anger, which stemmed from past issues of rejection and holding things in all the time. I would hold it all in until they finally came out exploding! During my own dark days I realized that the Lord was indeed with me, but as a loving Father who wanted me to learn some important lessons in life, and He knew what I needed at that time. It's true that He only wants the best for us, to work all things together for good, and sometimes that requires some 'molding' that's not going to feel very good at the time, but produces His peace in the end if we allow Him to intervene in or lives. =)

Help?

Does anyone know how to delete unwanted comments? I can't seem to find out how without doing the research, which I don't really have time for right now...I just need to delete an advertisement that was uncalled for.

The Mercies of God

The Lord knows all things, from beginning to end. He knows where our paths are going. He knows the end result of our actions. He knows if we're going to fall. He knows what will lead to utter destruction. When He knows we're on that path, and intervenes to stop us, that's the mercy of God. That's an example of His love. That's His compassion for His creation, even when we absolutely deserve the consequences for being short-sighted or even plain stubborn. I'm so glad we have a God like that, full of grace and forgiveness, who will not let His people fall headlong into the pit. He leads us back on track, as a father leads his son in the right direction. Sometimes His discipline hurts, but through it our eyes are opened and our faith is renewed.

How I wish sometimes we could go backwards, rewind the mistakes we've made, make the right decisions, erasing the heartaches of life. We cannot for some reason, and I believe it's for a purpose, cause I believe in a God of purpose. If I didn't, then all my belief would simply be in a cause-and-effect theory and what I learn in life would come to nothing at the end. All my growth and all my works would disappear into the grave. And that is truly a sad way to live, with no hope and no purpose. I believe in an 'open universe', meaning that God touches every part of our lives and directs them. Everything that happens has purpose and meaning, it's meant for our teaching and growth, and it touches many lives where it's directed. I think he planned it this way, to affect many lives in the process. The awesome thing that I've seen is that, even within those times of growth that seem to tear our world apart and one another, the God of Love restores what has been lost! He always heals our relationships, because He's a God of relationship. Our walk with Him is a relationship, and His desire is to have a relationship with His creation. His desire is always to reconcile us and make things right according to His perfect will and timing. He's also a God of great change and he's changed my own heart around and filled it with love that I can't comprehend. He can change and heal any relationship, any marriage, any impossible issue we're facing. With God, all things are possible.=)

A pastor said it perfectly one time: He said that when we're in those impossible situations, our first instinct is to ask God to just remove them! And yes, I've done that too! But that's when God wants to show His power through those impossible situations in our lives. He doesn't want us to run from them...He wants us to go through those situations with Him alongside us and take us through the fire and lead us to the other side safely. This reveals the power of God in our lives against the 'giants' we face, and allows us to overcome them and give the glory to God.
He alone reigns on high! =)

One more week

Tonight was just review for the test next Monday in OTS, so nothing to write on tonight concerning class really. I actually started writing some of my paper for Thursday's class so by Wednesday night I'm not stressing out like I usually do when I procrastinate. I'll write a little tomorrow night after I'm done with the Family Living ministry, so this week should go well. But after Thursday night, that's when I'll be focusing all my efforts on OTS and finishing all my tests and my workbook for our last class. Then after that...rest! Finally. No stressing for a few weeks, then back to school again for my Management class=) And I'll have 2 weeks to focus on that class before it starts so that'll be nice.

Man, I have got to start eating right! Tonight in class I wasn't feeling too well at one point, and I know exactly why. The feeling was one I used to get back when I had a bad habit of eating fast food constantly, nothing but junk, so I know that feeling of blahh-ness that doesn't set well. That soda especially needs to go, or at least my intake needs to lessen ALOT more. I remember gaining alot of weight at Mt. SAC when I would consume that stuff like nothing. I need to stick to water more and follow the example of a more disciplined friend of mine who has more self control in that area. Fast food places are the devil! LOL And if they're not, I don't doubt for a second that it was his idea...

It's a bit sad that my OTS class is going to end...I'm just getting to know some of the students, and soon it'll be over=( I know I'll keep in touch with at least one student whom I knew already. Well, at least I have my main group that'll meet for the rest of this year. Who knows, I may even run into one of them here and there. Hopefully some, even just one, will turn into a lifelong friendship or relationship with the friends I've gained at Biola. I never know what the Lord is going to do in my life. What I don't understand today may take years to understand later on! That's exactly why He is God and I'm not! He knows what He's doing.=)

Nite all=)

Stress is Dwindling Away

I finally finished my paper tonight on the covenants of God for OTS. That's one less thing to worry about. I went over the instructions for my next paper for Interpersonal Communication tonight and it's actually not going to be too bad, since I'll be writing on a subject I've struggled with my whole life. I shouldn't have any problem applying my experiences and thoughts in this paper=) So thank God for that! And this will be the last class for a few weeks so the stress level will be at a comfortable level again. I still need to catchup on some homework for OTS, but at least that ALL I have to worry about this week so...things are looking good=) My only concern is how I'll actually end up doing in my Old Testament class...man I hope I pass...

My phone got shut off again...argg! I'm still playing catchup with that cause I fell behind when I started working for an employer who's 'pay system' wasn't exactly consistent...that was aggravating! It's weird but it seems like my workplace has been like the testing ground for my life...not only with people but I've been challenged in many aspects alike. For a long time I was really struggling with my attendance, mainly punching in on time. I have a bad habit that I'm working on of doing things at the last minute, which includes leaving at the last minute! I would always cut it way too close, and that's where I got in trouble. I'm thinking it might be a habit that developed from working at BankAmerica for 10 years. They had a 5 minute grace period see, so if you were a few minutes late you were still okay. You could still write in that you got there on time. After that though, all my jobs were strict 'punch clock' jobs and if you were even 1 minute late it counted against you! Maybe I struggle with that because I just don't want to accept it, cause I think the whole thing is rather ridiculous. But...complaining about it and even rebelling against it isn't going to change anything...I have to change me unfortunately, which isn't a terrible thing actually...=)

I've also been planning to get at least a monthly massage done on my neck and back to relieve all the stress from sitting at the computer during both work and homework. I found out I have some knots on my right shoulder/back area. The guy that told me that said I should at least get that checked out first before he does any type of massage therapy. Hmmm...I'm very blessed though to have a job now in which I sit down as much as I stand up. That was truly an answer to prayer! Cause if I sit for too long I get really ancy and have to get up and just walk or something. Plus I'm learning a ton of new things at this job so it's been a blessing=) I'm trying to stay in the sign business and grow in knowledge there, so hopefully by the time I graduate, I'll have the knowledge and skills to move up to a managers position or something similar, if not higher pay at least. Well...one day at a time right? =)

More Insight into Depression

I heard an interesting view of depression I never thought about this morning while listening to Jon Courson. See, my understanding was that depression can either be a chemical imbalance of sorts, or something can trigger that depression like the loss of a loved one or even being uncontent with your own situation, or it could even be spiritual oppression from the enemy. I think the enemy is always trying to keep us from having any hope and has his hand in many of life's circumstances. I believe the Lord can heal us of this depression though and have seen His deliverance of mine personally long ago.

Jon brought up another reason depression may be present. It could simply be sin. Living a life of sin will inevitably produce of life of misery, especially in the life of the believer. But a believer will be brought to conviction...a nonbeliever wont until his eyes are opened. He said that this isn't always the root of depression, but it could be that just living in sin apart from God's will and plan is what is causing the depression in someone's life. I believe it's because He made every one of us in His image, therefore living a life apart from Him and His forgiveness will have a negative effect in our lives. I thought that was very interesting. Jon has always had such insight into things and very practical wisdom. I listen to him every morning on 107.9 at 8am on my way to work. It's nice having a little study before coming into work...it gets my mind going even before I start going at work.

This whole weekend will be focused on my Old Testament class (OTS), so I should have enough to reflect on again. That is for the next 2 weeks and then it's over. Then on to the next...=)

A Thought on Brokenness

Sometimes in order for us to learn anything, we have to come to a place in our lives where all the music stops, and nothing is left but a stark moment of reality. In order to face that reality and even accept that reality we sometimes have to be broken and humbled. In that state, sometimes there's nothing left to do but humbly accept it and learn to cope with it until once again our vigor is renewed and life again is refreshing. Of course in my situation I always go to the Lord for His advice and wisdom and healing and renewal. With Him, there is hope. And with Him, what seems like a daunting and neverending storm can inevitably turn into a blessed hope. He always provides a way to cope with life's trials, and He always provides an escape from making the wrong decisions. Thank you Lord=)

Long ago and even today shepherds would actually break the leg of a lamb who was constantly running away all the time. He would mend the wound, then put him on his shoulders and carry him until the wound healed and he could walk again. Guess what? that lamb would walk beside the shepherd the rest of his life and never run away again. This is symbolic of how we can be with the Lord at times...we need to be broken sometimes in order to stay close to Him. If anything, i feel like that little lamb, broken and helpless, yet with the hope that I will heal and my days ahead will be spent closer to Him than ever...=)

Reviewing the unfit king

Tonight was just a little review of Saul and David in OTS. We went over so much it's hard to pinpoint a thought here. lol We did read Psalm 51 however about David's acknowledgment to God of his sin and cry for forgiveness and restoration. He seemed to have an unusual discernment of the true heart that God wants, one of simple obedience rather than countless sacrifices for continual sin. But when we approach Him with a willing and genuine heart, then all of our sacrifices become good in His sight. It's not unlike a father-son relationship: a father who's son listens to his words and guidance will be blessed with his son, but if his son is rebellious, his father will become grieved in his heart. Does he still love his son? Of course he does! And a true father will love him and continue to guide his son even when his son is rebellious. It's like I heard at Sunday's sermon: you keep fanning the 'smoke of the flax' even though it irritates your eyes in the midst of the storms, until finally the air starts to clear and your children see the error of their ways. But through it you endure and guide and teach and continue being that good example to them. I think that's what God does for us...He patiently endures ours errors all the while loving us and guiding us still, until our eyes are finally open so we can clearly see.=)

The Knitting of Souls

"Now when he (David) had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan (Saul's son) was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul." ~ 1 Samuel 18:1

This verse really spoke to me today during my OTS study tonight. It appears that after David was done speaking with King Saul about his defeat of Goliath, the Philistines' great warrior, Jonathan was so moved by his story that he felt an admiration towards David that affected him deeply. He felt knit to him, connected with him, a connection that was soul deep. I believe that we all experience that connection with certain people in our lives, either through way of admiration of some type, or sometimes a connection that cannot be explained. I believe it can be a spiritual connection as well. I've only experienced that with a select few in my life, in which there's a connection to that person that cannot be explained, but later revealed by God's handiwork. I feel 'knitted' to that person in such a way where the bond is held tightly and hard to loose, not unlike the threads of a quilt. A carefully knitted quilt can become a firmly-bonded and beautiful work to behold used to bring comfort and covering for someone. In the same way, I believe a tightly-knit relationship can bring about the same benefits. =)

As a side note, did you realize that the first day of our week is a day of rest? Yep...Sunday, the first day on our calendar, is actually a day off for us. Way back when it wasn't so. Having a day off was virtually unheard of! Working 7 days a week was normal. God initiated a day off for the Israelites as a day of rest for them to separate them from other nations, and also cause He knew that having one day off was a vital element in allowing the body and soul to rest from labor. It's interesting that here in America, many people actually have 2 days off! Well, consider yourselves lucky my friends...had you been born about 3,000 years earlier you would have been working all 7 days of the week! Unless that is you were an Israelite.=)

Saturday study of Saul

My Old Testament class has me in 1 Samuel right now, learning about Saul and his reign over Israel, and his short-lived reign due to disobedience to God, who regretted making him king. I think that what's being implied here is the fact that God gave him a chance to make the right decision to follow Him and lead His people faithfully. It was a test of faith for Saul, and he ended up failing that test. So He ended up replacing him with David, who was a man 'after His own heart.' Of course David too made some mistakes in life, also. Hey, I make mistakes. I don't think any one of us are immune to them. But the important thing is to learn from them, pick yourself up and continue on that walk of faith, that walk of hope that's ahead. There is always hope and renewal, even if we've failed miserably. Cause it's those failures that help us to come to a better understanding. Like Carleton Sheets said, "Those people who are most successful have made the most mistakes." I think that's true because when you're striving for success, you're going to make mistakes. It's just that, those who aim for success don't let failure stop them...they use it as an opportunity to learn and move forward. Failure can either hinder us, or help us.

On a more personal note, I'm feeling the squeeze here with my classes. The issue I deal with is putting an end to procrastination and initiating a habit of discipline. I have a good year left of school so there's time to implement these two, and I should take full advantage of it! I saw a lady on MSNBC who said that procrastination is the result of fear, a fear of failure for instance. We can tend to procrastinate cause we aim for perfection too much... if it's not going perfect we will put it off or give up. I can see that happening. I try making a list of what needs accomplishing during the day. That seems to help me be more organized, plus has the added benefit of putting it in front of my face where I can see it. When I don't see what needs to be done, that's when I tend to procrastinate and get sidetracked. Oh and that's the other reason we procrastinate! Too much on the mind...we start one thing, then go to another thing, then another, then forget what we were doing in the first place! I think it's a lack of focus. Sometimes we have to literally tell ourselves to concentrate on one thing sometimes.

We've all done the 'walk into a room and forget what we came in for' routine. Too much is going on up there sometimes! lol I'll be the first to admit that, being a creative and all...I have a really bad habit of reading too much into things my boss says to me. I think I drive her crazy with all of the 'possible' solutions to her question instead of the simple answer she's looking for. Well what do you expect...I'm a freakin' concept designer! LOL I'm in the habit of looking at things from about a dozen different angles. I think that carries over to people as well. I like to know what makes people tick, why they act the way they do, and what interests them. I like to bring out their good side, especially if it's been repressed deep inside. I really notice when someone is down or unhappy and will try to lift them up. On that note, I think we can get wrapped up into too much drama in life and make us sour. But that's a whole other subject! Maybe another time...for now...time to hit the sack for now...they say hitting it 5 times is just right. Anything more than that is just excessively ridiculous. Can you imagine hitting it 7 times? My gosh, that's just unheard of! lol

Reflection, Not Repair

Two different variables we touch on when listening to another are both the content and feelings. We should be able to detect first, what the problem is, and second, what her feelings are. (Her will mean his/her throughout) For example, your friend is telling you that she's totally frustrated with her roommate because she constantly borrows her clothes without asking and eats her food too. The content is her roommates constant 'borrowing' of both clothes and food. The feelings are of frustration. These two go hand in hand when solving issues with another person.

For most of us we immediately want to solve the issue or give our best advice as to solving this problem. However, in order to investigate this issue more thoroughly and accurately, reflection is necessary. To reflect means to come alongside her to help her understand her feelings about this situation better, hence coming up with the right plan and words to say to her roommate. Maybe she's dealing with an issue of not being stern and standing her ground, or fear of confronting others. Instead of trying to just come up with a 'quick fix' it would benefit her more if she understood why she's facing this issue in the first place. If she can come to an understanding of herself better at this point in life, future instances will be easier to face and to deal with. Helping her come to an understanding of her feelings and actions will help her to deal more effectively with others. This is why reflection is preferred over simply repairing the situation. It's almost like not knowing how to change a tire, for instance. You can keep having friends or family or neighbors keep doing it for you if you want, making life a little harder, especially if it happens in the middle of nowhere! Or...you can have someone show you how to do it yourself, saving alot of time and frustration. Though this illustration is simplified, it's the basis of initiating reflection when dealing with an issue: it's used to 'teach' another how to deal more effectively with an issue by giving her the means, or tools, necessary to do the job.

Remember, know the content and feelings associated with the issue, then use reflection to come up with a solution that's effective not only for the present issue, but for future ones, too! =)

The Power of being Perceptive

Today's reading in communication was on paraphrasing and being perceptive of another person's feelings. We can't always 'read' a person's mind or what they're thinking, but we can paraphrase to understand that person more. "Are you mad at me because I didn't take your plate to the kitchen too?" Being specific allows the other person to bring more light to the subject, instead of just asking "Are you mad?" to which he/she may just say "yes!" without further explanation, even if you're initial paraphrase is wrong. It might even be something else on that person's mind. She's not mad...she's upset at her boss for being indifferent to her hard work. We should always be perceptive about one another's feelings, otherwise we may be assuming something else, which may even lead to action based on assumptions that are untrue.

One example of this was when my cousing 'Di' was being attacked by her mom and siblings for certain actions she thought was right to do. They were coming against her and attacking her decisions. In doing so, she just assumed that ALL of her family was against her, so she decided to 'take action' by not talking to us, but hiding from us, assuming we ALL were mad, which wasn't true at all. In fact, my mom and I cared deeply about her situation and finally got the chance to reveal that to her one morning at church. She was incredibly relieved to know that we were supportive of her decisions and didn't pass judgment on her at all. As you can see, her assumption of this situation concerning us only led to further isolation between us, which could have even led to further, if not dangerous actions. It's important to clear up any assumptions we might have about a sibling, coworker or spouse to make sure what you're feeling is accurate. Some of these assumptions may be playing on our fear of another's response. Again, it's important that we clear up these misunderstanding by communicating clearly to one another. A simple misunderstanding can lead to a life of hardship!

Always a first time

Post 1 test: hi all=) Just testing the waters and posting. Hopefully soon I'll have more
to say. I should be posting daily. I currently attend Biola and would like to use this
as both a personal blog and my daily experience log with school and life. More to come...